They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize