i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
