why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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