I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
