I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
