so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
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Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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