you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
