Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
