So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
