the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
