i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Randomize
