he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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