His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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