My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
