a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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