i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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