Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm too high and old for this...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
