plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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