R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
