The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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