I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
