I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize