Got a toothbrush?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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