Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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