thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
