Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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