It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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