just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
