Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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