dude i'm inner monologue high
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize