Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
