She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
