the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
