this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
