It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
