My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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