a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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