I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
