I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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