last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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