So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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