Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
