Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
