If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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