i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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