but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize