I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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