Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
