So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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