took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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