id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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