i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
