At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
