The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
