i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
