nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
