he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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