What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
