Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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