you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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