sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
