Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm at about main and main street
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
