when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
