Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
