I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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