I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
