just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
