I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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