Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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