I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
