@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
