cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
