I have demons in me.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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