sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
