Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
