it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
