okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
