This is not my ceiling
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
