my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
