We named our party play list daddy issues
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
