I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Enjoy the penises
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
