Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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