is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize