Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
