So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
