I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
